Forums Writing Chapter 1 Place where thoughts come to rest! (First Assignment)

Place where thoughts come to rest! (First Assignment)

Hello,

Submiting my first assignment.Below is the link to my blog.

Lookingforward to feedback on my work!

http://sharonsingh.matadoru.com/

Thanks

Sharon

View Profile 2012-05-27 16:29:28 PDT

Hey Sharon,

You write in a way that’s very poetic and descriptive. This is a nice glimpse into your hometown, especially for a more “off-the-radar” place in India.

The opening: Your quote in italics…is that your own quote, or something else’s? The quotations suggest they belong to someone else.

Are you using Microsoft Word? Make sure you have spell-check turned on! Numerous misspellings throughout, including welomed, Historicaly, hoavering, investigage.

Also, it might help to study up on the proper usage of commas, as there are quite a few comma misplacements throughout: “Its 5a.m,heard early morning symphony composed by birds” and “As ,I was through with Chai,could.” Try this guide.

Please be sure to include a space after a comma, period, or semi-colon!

You also start out with present-tense (“It’s 5 a.m.”) and then switch to past-tense in the same sentence (“heard early morning”). Make sure to keep tense consistent, which is past-tense in this case.

I was wondering = I wondered

“This is the very moment where I company myself and not my thoughts.” – What does this mean? Basically that you’ve just switched off your brain to enjoy the moment?

Did you mean to omit certain identifiers? For example, in “As ,I was through with Chai,could see Sun jutting out of the spine of Shivalik Hills in the east” you didn’t put an “I” before “could.” This could work stylistically in some instances, but other times it could get confusing.

“Is 90kms from the city Chandigarh” = “it’s”

Once we clean up the grammar this piece will be a lot easier to read. Thanks!

Candice

View Profile 2012-05-29 20:37:46 PDT

Hello Candice,

Thank you for the review. I did some very quick changes with my text on Word at the last moment with when I found it was 700 words. But I will certainly work on comma’s and grammar difficulties in the future.

The opening quote is originally written by me.

I will work on the text to make it a better piece as per your instructions.

Sharon

View Profile 2012-05-29 21:29:39 PDT

Cool, Sharon. It’s something we’ll work on as the course continues as well.

View Profile 2012-05-30 18:43:28 PDT

Thanks Candice for your help.

View Profile 2012-05-31 06:40:22 PDT